Murphy's Law: If something can go wrong, it will.

So, if you throw a toast with butter to the air, it will always land by butter side down.

Cats conservation law: A cat will always lands on its feet, standing on them.

So, what would happen if we stick a piece of toast with butter on it, to a cat's back and then throw it into the air?
Find out at: Uncyclopedia

A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that, because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license." he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him." yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"

A nurse noticed that a nun leaving the examination room in a doctor’s office had a horrified look on her face. The nurse asked the doctor, “What is wrong with that nun?” The doctor said, “Nothing; I examined her and told her that she is pregnant.” The nurse said, “Is she?” The doctor said, “No, but it sure cured her hiccups!”

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

• A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.
• Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?" Nurse: "No change yet."
• Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" (Steven Wright)
• "When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter." (Emo Philips)
• Why was Adam a famous runner? Because he was first in the human race.

Minnesota State Fair On A Stick   If there was only one place that was Minnesota, it would be the State Fair. For non-Minnesotans, "on a stick" refers to the State Fair custom of trying to sell any food item on a stick. Pizza, pickles, cheese, and pork chops on a stick are some examples. The Livestock barns are a must see as well as the somewhat urbanized Machinery Hill. Our state fair has retained a lot of its rural character, and land wise, I would say we are an agricultural state. This video if from YouTube, and the site seems safe. (Click twice on the button.)

        

The Minnesota State bird is of course the loon, which among other things means; birdbrain, addlehead, and one who is crazy or deranged. But we like our loons and consider ourselves privileged when one moves into the neighborhood. Loon sounds from Environment Canada can be heard by clicking on the bird.

     Norwegian Jokes            
         
       
A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. "Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?" "Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian. The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?" The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?" "It was ME," chortled the Indian. So the Norwegian paid for the drinks. Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies. "Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?" "Fair enough," said Sven. "Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?" "Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?" The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"

Ole and Sven went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish, and Sven says, "The way I figger it, Ole, each of them fish cost us $400. Well. At dat price it's a good ting we didn't catch any more of em than we did."

Did you hear about Ole's nephew Torvald who won the gold medal at the Olympics? Yeah, he had it bronzed.

"Mama, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" "No, it's because you're NINETEEN."

In the middle of the show, a guy stands up and yells at the ventriloquist, "HEY! You've been making jokes about us Norwegian people enough! Cut it out!" And the ventriloquist says, "Take it easy. They're only jokes!" And the guy says, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that little guy sitting on your knee!"

Ole came back to work 15 minutes late. The boss noticed and asked where he had been. Ole: "Getting a haircut." Boss: "On company time?" Ole: "It grew on company time." Boss: "Not all of it." Ole: "I didn't get it all cut off."

So what's the difference between a Norwegian and a canoe? Well, a canoe will sometimes tip.

Sven and Ole went out duck hunting, and they worked at it for a couple hours and finally Sven says: "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?" "I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough."

YOU MUST BE FROM RURAL MINNESOTA IF................

The town you grew up in had a bar called Ma's Place.
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
FFA was the most popular club in high school.
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
You know it's traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.
You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.
You can recognize someone from Iowa by their driving.
You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
You spent more on beer than you did on food at your wedding.
You hear someone use the word "oof-dah" and you don't immediately break into uncontrollable laughter.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair.
You know that "combine" is a noun.
You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.
You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
Football and hunting schedules are checked before wedding dates are set. 
Saturday you go the local bowling ally.
There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in themorning...phew!
You have driven your car on a lake.
You can make sense out of the word "upnort" and "batree."
You always believed that vacation meant "going up North."
At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey-poky and the chicken dance.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
The local gas station sells live bait.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
Your Mom asks, "Were you born in a barn?" and you know exactly what she means.
You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.
Pop is not only what you call your Dad, but is the ONLY name for soda.
You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Minnesota friends.

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"
"Just a minute," said the busy clerk.
"Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus."

Ole was on his death bed. But before he died, he wanted to have one last taste of lefse. Even as weak as he was, he was able to crawl out of bed and go down the stairs to the kitchen. After about 20 minutes of agonizing pain he reached the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator door he slowly reached for the lefse. He was just about to grab it when suddenly a hand came out from nowhere, slapped his hand, and a voice boomed out, “Ole, that's for the Funeral!”

The Lefse Song  [Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races"]

Norsky ladies sing dis song...Uff Da! Uff Da.
Bake dat lefse all day long...all da Uff Da day.
Bake it till it's almost brown...Uff Da! Uff Da.
Makes you yump yust like a clown...all da Uff Da Day.

(CHORUS)
Gonna bake all night...gonNa bake all day
I'll spend my money on potatoes and flour...
To have me an Uff Da day.         

The complete Lefse Song

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole an Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, " There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?" The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'." The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "

Lars was staggering home after a night in the tavern. A Lutheran minister saw him and offered to help him get home safely. As they approached the house, Lars asked the minister to step inside for a moment. He explained, "I vant Lena to see who I have been out vith."

LARS: Have you heard dat dey elected a Pole to be Pope?
SVEN: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough.

Why did the Vikings leave Scandinavia? To get away from the lutefisk.

There's an old Scandinavian recipe that tells one to let the lutefisk sit on a pine board for a day, then throw away the lutefisk and eat the board.

A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. They all went in at the same time. After only two minutes the Dane came running out. Five minutes later the Swede stumbled out the door. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out.

Ole and Sven went fishing one day in a rented boat and were catching fish like crazy. Ole said, "We better mark dis spot so ve can come back tomorrow and catch more fish." Sven then proceeded to mark the bottom of the boat with a large 'X'. Ole asked him what he was doing, and Sven told him he was marking the spot so they could come back to catch more fish. Ole said, " Ya big dummy, how do ya know ve are going ta get da same boat tomorrow?"

Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" Ole says, "Yesterday I vas ironing a shirt ven da phone rang and I accidentally answered da iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" Ole says, "I tried ta call da doctor."

         
"Being new to Minnesota, Dave made a big mistake when asked to 'bring a hot dish' to the church supper" -- Maybe you have to live in Minnesota (or be Lutheran?) to get this one, but the folks I have shown it to think it is pretty funny, doncha know!    

A second runestone suggests the vikings settled in Minnesota in the 13th century, but moved to Texas because natives would not build them a stadium. (The first runestone's story can be read by clicking on Big Ole.)

Famous Minnesotans and the towns they were born in

William Demarest - Saint Paul. Bob Dylan - Duluth. Francis Scott Fitzgerald - Saint Paul. Judy Garland - Grand Rapids. Jean Paul Getty - Minneapolis. Garrison Keillor - Anoka. Jessica Lange - Cloquet. Sinclair Lewis - Sauk Centre. Edward Lowe - St. Paul. John Madden - Austin. Roger Maris - Hibbing. Charles Horace Mayo - Rochester. William J. Mayo - Le Sueur. Eugene J. McCarthy - Watkins. Walter F. Mondale - Ceylon. Jane Russell - Bemidji. Kevin Sorbo - Mound. Winona Ryder - Winona. Charles M. Schultz - Minneapolis. Jesse Ventura - Minneapolis

 
Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox for years were located at the Paul Bunyan Amusement Center in Brainerd, Minnesota. They now reside at "This Old Farm," an historic theme park, located about 8 miles East of Brainerd.

Paul could and did talk to young children. The Amusement Center featured tic-tac-toe and basketball playing chickens, Paul's harmonica, pants, shirt, fishing pole, and ax. 

Brainerd is considered "Up North" and its main product would have to be tourism. 

Have a look at the other pages of this site. Jokes about Norwegians, Libertarians, Accountants, and the WarCraft and RuneScape games are on JokeCat’s pages. Various other humor and games are here too. JokeCat thanks you for visiting these pages, and would appreciate your feed back and anything funny you have to contribute. Keep smiling. Email@JokeCat.com

Fargo in 100 seconds from YouTube user: bkboy87

The 1996 movie Fargo, though named after the North Dakotan city takes place mostly in Minnesota. It shows one version of how Minnesotans talk, act and live. In the movie, William Macy's life is falling apart and local police chief Frances McDormand is investigating the related fall out. 

These locations are in the movie, according to Wikipedia: The "Wally McCarthy Oldsmobile" car dealership located in the Minneapolis suburb of Richfield, off of Interstate 494 and Penn Avenue. It has since been razed, and the site is currently home to Best Buy's corporate headquarters. Ember's, a restaurant just west of the Louisiana exit on the frontage road (Wayzata Blvd.) of Highway 394 in St. Louis Park. The location is now out of business. The King of Clubs, a bar shown at the beginning of the film, was actually located within walking distance of downtown Minneapolis (It's in NorthEast).